Cine-Psychological Diary: how I live with hallucinations?

Tempo di lettura: 4'

Mistakes in English

During my first experience writing about first psychological memories I realized that I have a lot of black holes regarding grammar, syntax and correct use of comma in English sentences. The point is that, from now, I really know how to work on those mistakes. This makes me very happy.

In these years I tried to improve my English listening watching a lot of movies in English with English subtitles. In fact, I passed reading and listening B2 exams without any difficulties.

But when I tried to write an essay I realized that, in my sentences, I make a huge number of mistakes. And I’m talking about all the kind of mistakes.

It doesn’t matter. The only thing I can do is to continue practicing English every day in this way. So, let’s start.

The second movie that influenced me most regarding my love with psychology: A Beautiful Mind

The second movie that influenced me most regarding my love with psychology: A Beautiful Mind

2002 or 2003. I remember a conversation with my brother Rodolfo. We talked about my sister that, in those years, started showing first symptoms of her Schizophrenic Disorder. Especially, my brother tried to explain to me what hallucinations were.

He said that when you see something that is not real for the others but it is real only in your mind, you cannot cure these symptoms without using psychiatric drugs. The only thing that you can do is, using intelligence, to recognize the hallucinations are what really are, so fantasies, and to not care about them.

To give me an example, he talked about this mathematician that, because he was so sharp, he found a way to live a normal life with hallucinations not giving them any kind of relation.

That mathematician was John Nash, the person who is interpreted by Russel Crow in A Beautiful Mind.

Why the mind need to project hallucination to a person?

After some years when my parents were focused on all my sister’s fucked up, I tried to understand more of Schizophrenic disordered and all the others psychological stuff using the only source of psychological information that I had: cinema. This happened because in my family everybody tried to protect me hiding all my sister’s problem. And I can say that it was very stupid because all my sister’s fucked up were very easy to see.

So, after The Silence of the Lambs, when I was 16 I went to an amazing DVDs shop in Florence, Alberti Shop. That shop doesn’t exist anymore. I found A Beautiful Mind and I decided to buy it. I really liked to buy DVDs, sometimes I used to buy ten per time.

A Beautiful Mind

I went home and I tried to understand how this John Nash could live a normal life with hallucinations. That, many years later, was something that saved me from psychiatric drugs when, at 22 age, I started to see and hear first hallucinations.

But the other important things that i understood from that movie is that, for John Nash, hallucinations was something that he needed to equilibrate his mind due to his sociopathy and his compulsive obsession with math and math carrer.

So, if he needed those things, this is what was happening to me when I realized that I was at beginning of the Schizophrenic Disorder: “I need to see something that doesn’t exist because I had some disequilibrium in my mind due to something that I can understand because I’m a smart person so I can do like John Nash”.


I don’t know if I will write everything regarding that story, but I confess it is quite painful living again that memories. This is why, for the moment, I decide to stop writing of it. But maybe, in the future, I will add some other particulars. In the meantime, let’s see if my English is getting better. (yes, it is)

Jack Newhouse